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Sue Cox To whoever passes by
Bookmark and Share      Created: 2014-01-10 11:36:55   Last updated : 2014-01-10 20:38:43

Sunday, 29 December 2013

 

To whoever passes by


I was looking on our  Survivors Voice Europe website over the Christmas period, and noticing the stats of  people viewing it. I wondered who it was who was reading the website at  Christmas, and what pages they looked at.
 It was a bit worrying to see that there were quite a few hits on the page “Are you having suicidal thoughts” and I  hoped with all my heart that whoever looked at that page got some help and hope from the words therein.
I relate to that  situation, especially at this time of year when everyone seems to belong somewhere, and the whole world seems to be christian!
There were some who saw our article “watch then wriggle and squirm” which talks of the latest vatican PR stunts.I hoped they would support our battle with that vile  narcissistic organisation 
There were others who looked at the page that simply says “Smile” and I hoped they would follow our lead and laugh every day!
We have never wanted anything more than to connect with other survivors, and share a few of the empowerment tricks and tools that we have acquired during our own stories.
We KNOW that people who have survived  after being sexually abused in the worst way by clergy in their childhood are very strong! They would not have got this far without having some pretty awesome skills. Skills they didn’t ask to have, but those honed by adversity and often despair, for their own survival.
We have never felt the need to become “paid workers”, never felt that our own abuses were a ticket to some kind of professional status.We just want to offer our unswerving support and love to those who, like us , have felt that despair and might need a few more tools in their own survival toolbox.
There is no feeling on Earth as rewarding as seeing someone like us emerge from their despair and take their rightful place as a very precious and irreplaceable child of the Universe. 
There is no connection more powerful than to look into the eyes of someone who has experienced  your shame and pain, and felt so alone.
There are services and organisations popping up all over the place ( there always are when there is a tragedy!)  All claiming to have the answer,  all competing for whatever charitable money they deem themselves entitled to.
They go up against other charities for a chunk of whatever little is there to be had. 
They compete with cancer research, homelessness, every disease known to man and starving humanity by the million, and I know that many of them pay themselves a wage , maybe hire some admin staff, finance an office, and travel to every corner of the world to be seen at conferences. Then they have to spend their time chasing more funding to keep those services going, to do more of the same! Inevitably,  people they are supporting, slip further and further down the list of priorities.
I don’t know if any of these services do any good, but either way, we have never seen that as our role, we know  that compassion for our fellow survivors is a great reward in itself.
Not that we have any dislike of money, and occasionally we have had very kind and generous people press some on to us! We prefer not to have it! 
So we will only ever use that for something that directly helps survivors. 
We are not ungracious, but we would far rather have someone’s time, have them share their skills with us,tell people about us, spread the word,  and support us in that way.
We try and make our website a valuable contribution to the recovery of each individual, regardless of where they are in the World.
We may never know them, but that does not matter.
Over the last few weeks I have been asked to endorse a particular therapy, so I would like to say a word about that too.
There are more therapies than there are hairs on our head,some good, some dubious,  each one claiming to be the solution.
Rather than endorse any particular model,we prefer to show people what they need to look for in an authentic therapeutic encounter, and avoid  becoming   a cash cow for some that are not of any use.
We often say if we invented a new therapy and called it “limbic plumb-lining” and advertised it all over the world as the newest latest magic bullet , then we would soon have hundreds of clients! 
And there is no doubt that a few of them might even benefit, but not for any good honest reason. 
There is someone somewhere who has benefitted from every flaky method  under the sun, in fact if you put a bone in someone’s nose and old them to chant twinkle twinkle little star three times a day, there are a few who would swear it had helped them! 
But a handful of   people benefitting from something is never the point.The reality for many is  that the therapist will benefit far more!
I am asked “does that really matter, as long as someone feels they have been helped?” Well yes it bloody well does matter! 
Survivors are precious and important and should hold out for the  very best!
We suggest people look at our page
 “finding a therapist” and see the list of questions they need to ask before they embark on any therapy . 
Does this person  belong to a reputable professional body,with a disciplinary procedure? Do they have codes of ethics and good practice? How long have they studied? Have they taken exams, do they have continual professional development, a confidentiality policy? Have they had experience in this field? Do they have any allegiance to the church? etc.etc.
An authentic therapist will welcome those questions and be happy that you are taking your recovery seriously!
But  then we will get dragged  back to the question of money! 
Of course therapies cost, people have to earn a living, and have spent many years studying. But any therapist worth their salt will have a sliding scale of costs, and should be asked about them. They should also be able to tell you when you don’t need them!
This is  where lawyers can make a difference, by making sure they understand the severity of the damage caused, and fight for enough money for victims of these terrible crimes to be able to afford the best to put them back together, and to choose what they use.
Not everyone needs the same approach, and there is NO  such thing as a magic wand !
If there were, we would all be waving it and everyone would live happily ever after! 
But until there is, and  in the mean time we will continue to speak out against injustice, and add  some more tools to that survival  toolbox, so you can regain your power!
Feel free to help yourself!
And I will keep watching the number of views on that website, hoping that whoever looks at it will get some help, and send warm and encouraging thoughts to anyone who passes by.
 
http://suecox.blogspot.co.uk/2013/12/i-was-looking-on-our-voice-europe.html?zx=c77d616449540a96

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