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"How can anyone believe in a God whose servants abuse children and whose hierarchy protects the abuser?"
More by JohnB - Living the final years of the Catholic Cover up

JohnB John Anthony Brown
Bookmark and Share      Created: 2013-03-09 07:47:20   Last updated : 2013-04-06 18:46:57

These pages are the home for articles, posts, emails etc that I have written as a result of my childhood experience and the process of attempting to live a life free from religion and its outrages,requirements and demands.
 
It was during my earliest school years that I realised that the people who were abusing me were at the same time proclaiming themselves as saints while they did stuff to you that people got into trouble for.

When you speak out in a Catholic environment you not only take on the world you get to take on god as well as every Catholic you encounter in the journey of your life when it came to being a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by a priest you were to be envied or hated. No lie was to great for a nun or a priest as no one in the community dared question them and what they said was the truth. Any person who claimed some form of authority had the ultimate authority of god or a colluding sexually abusive priest. A priest who kept himself informed of every sexual interaction in the community via the confessional and a ready made group of unswerving Catholics who could justify any action against you. You become the condemned.

The good thing about being one of the condemned through an assured place in hell. There was no uncertainty in my Catholic life that I was headed for hell with no chance of reprieve. That was the description used to cover up the reality of the things that I was saying. Every authority within your life is controlled by a few nuns and a priest or two.

It was common knowledge that the local Catholic policeman who was a staunch member of the church and a Knight of the Southern Cross. The local policeman had a direct connection back to the local priest or through to the bishop in Melbourne. He was connected well in this way.With that circumstance set there was a situation that assured any claims of abuse by clergy would immediately be turned back into the hands of the clergy themselves. The Church would handle it; they would see to it, just so long as there was no scandal for the Church.

A life led in this environment is one that is driven by blackmailers.Those who have the highest authority or connections get to wield more power of god over you.

By the time a Catholic child goes to school at 4 or 5 years of age they are well attuned to the need to submit to the demands of god else you will fry forever. When you are the one condemned to this you get to realize that if there is no way out then it didn't matter much if you did something else they did not like. I realized that you cannot add more time to eternity for saying what you needed to say about what was happening to you.

In hindsight a Catholic home environment is the most toxic that I can imagine. I say that simply because my experience was in that Catholic environment. Suspending reason never appealed to me; that made you more of a challenge and subject to more blackmail attempts. Most were expressways to hell. When you are the subject of universal hate you get to not give a damn about what they say. You reject it, you reject it all. That comes down to including your education.

Even when being slapped across the face by an enraged nun who shouted "Why do you always have to be so right." was possibly one of the strongest pieces of education I received.

These were people who educated you, consoled you, set standards and morals for you and dry humped themselves on you in front of the class while they were supposed to have their heads down. These were the people who had the ear of all the right connections; they had the authority of the church and no parishioners dared to question them as they were genuinely afraid that they too would become destined for hell just like me.

Every Catholic child at a very early age comes to understand that they are sinners, they were born dirty and foul through original sin which marked you for the rest of your life. If you wanted to rid yourself of original sin then all you needed to do was to do the bidding of the nuns and priests. The nuns and priests simply wanted to keep silent their sexual depravities that simply obsessed them on a daily basis.

When the woman in the bag and bib is the same woman who is fiddling your testicles while masturbating and praying later in the day once you have brought up their groceries from the local shop, brought in the firewood, collected eggs, swept pathways, lit fires, cleaned out fires and any other jobs they required or errands to run. Living directly across the road from the church, presbytery, school and convent simply made you a convenient piece of property because the church owned you and the nuns and priests controlled you. Your upbringing is one which requires that you approve of your own enslavement after all you are given free will, the nun can threaten to inform the priest that you had said something again and you knew the way that was going to work.

The enslavement becomes more binding when under the instructions of your spiritual leader who is covering for raping you and is instructing your father to whip you because you are the spawn of the devil and you need the devil whipping out of you.

Every Catholic child knew that they could end up like me. Every one of them had to fold to the blackmail and the enslavement. In any event if things spread wider than just the Catholic community the local policeman was there along with the editor of the local paper (Knight of the Southern Cross) to back up the cover story while both had full knowledge of my circumstance through the intervention of my friend Herbie Kemp.Herbie was also a Knight of the Southern Cross.

Herbie kept myself at times and my mother up to date on his efforts to see that O'Donnell was safely managed and that I would be looked after in the future should the need arise.

Herbie figured largely in my life from an early age. My mother arranged it as a safe place when I was around 3 and a half due to bullying by an elder brother over an incident that I did not understand at that time. I had my own room and a bed, it was in Mauries room (his brother); they had moved Maurie in with Herbie so I could have the room. Bob made good use of god and priests to mete out what he deemed to be suitable punishment to me and continued that process for the rest of his life.Herbie was killed after being violently beaten and kicked when I was around 14 after had had attempted to intervene after Des Cameron a new priest to the town had molested my younger sister. It took Herbie 8 days to die from his injuries. Despite a number of attempts to have this investigated by the Victorian police including my most recent contact via the unfortunately named taskforce Sano (Latin: To Heal). Des Cameron as I understand it is wheelchair bound in a home that looks after elderly priests.


March 11, 2013

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"How can anyone believe in a God whose servants abuse children and whose hierarchy protects the abuser?"


Myth #2 - Most sexual abuse of boys is perpetrated by homosexual males.

Pedophiles who molest boys are not expressing a homosexual orientation any more than pedophiles who molest girls are practicing heterosexual behaviors. While many child molesters have gender and/or age preferences, of those who seek out boys, the vast majority are not homosexual. They are pedophiles.


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